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May 9th, 2008 · 107 Comments · Uncategorized

Sometimes, you know, judging a judgmental place is just as bad as the place being judgmental in the first place. Besides K*** H** is not judgemental. Avalon trade-buy-sell in Squirrel Hill (spelling ’squirrel’ correctly is a daily struggle. Perhaps this has something to do with the creepalcious squirrels that come thisclose to you at University of Maryland, where my friends go) is judgmental. I will throw racist in there too, just for kicks. And because my friend said so. And besides, sometimes, I think maybe it isn’t worth spending $2.50 to withdraw ten dollars from my account (and no more, because I’m damn poor) just for a lack of concentration and some awkward conversations/non-conversations with a guy with a fake French name that I saw at the crepe place yesterday and felt awkward about, just BECAUSE 61C is cash only. Also, really, we should just rename this damn blog after him. He comes up that often.

ANYWAY I AM DONE RESPONDING TO YOUR HURTFUL COMMENTS. NOW ONTO BIGGER & BETTER THANGS.

1) I haven’t been home since January, so imagine my surprise when my mother has not only acquired a 40-inch television in her room, but also countless bootleg movies and a series of the ‘Hip Hop Abs’ DVD with the creepy fit black happy man from the commercials. Really, mother?

2) I think I’ll also refer to a time where someone watched me. This is going to be graphic, but probably not more graphic than a conversation you’ve had with me.

******

Ready? I changed my tampon today (seriously, surfing the crimson wave WAY HARD.) at 10:30p.m. on the side of the Pennsylvania turnpike because it was more than necessary. Also, I did that thing where I was standing/squatting behind the front passenger door with the back door covering my ass but not really. And there was a truck driver fake sleeping parked behind my sister’s car, and I’m pretty sure he saw my ass and my bloody chach. I think I will recount this entire story some other time at some other blog. Then, a few hours later, I peed in a parking lot in Chevy Chase, Maryland, outside of a really classy Chevy Chase Bank. That’s the bank I have, and I’m hoping that their cameras didn’t pick that up. I didn’t throw my tampon in their parking lot or anything, I kept it locked into my vaginal canal, BUT they are some sneaky bitches and for all I know, I could be missing $20 tomorrow for no apparent reason.

One thing is fo sho: I have no control over my uterus or bladder.

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