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smelly cubes

March 20th, 2010 · 97 Comments · Uncategorized

A trend: the most awkward situations start with terrible terrible bodily odors that ooze from between the legs.

Take, for instance, work situation numero uno: an Eastern European girl who works on floor 4, 5, or 6 (they’re all the same company) (I work on floor 7) (it’s a different company). I was walking behind EE girl, and I saw her butt cheeks. It wasn’t an unfortunate situation of skirt-hikeage-due-to-baggage, but rather HER SKIRT WAS JUST THAT SHORT. I mean, you work at Citi. That’s not to say that you know or don’t know what’s up with the world, but that you’re in a professional environment requiring a professional wardrobe and you’re blatantly ignoring that code.

Well, as I reiterated this to my coworker, I got worked up, and the build-up led to a loud, “…BUTT CHEEKS,” at which point our Chief Technology Officer walked by and looked at me. Embarrassing, a small tad bit, but was there any smell involved? No. So it wasn’t that embarrassing.

But then there was this other time…

Designer 1, a wonderful albeit traitorous Ecuadorian who often threatens to cut off my nipples (we have that kind of relationship), was speaking to Designer 3, who sits across from me, and they were talking about places to go for D3’s yearly review. Turned out the place was expensive, so D1 said, “Well, maybe we should wait and go after work some time, and maybe we should take that one over there with us.” She meant me. I was focused on my work and did not turn away from my computer to acknowledge her, so she came over to me instead.

D1 tapped me on the shoulder: “Excuse me, can I ask you a question please?” At that very moment, my cube began to WREAK of bodily, gaseous odors that did not come from me. I was feeling particularly playful, so I said to D1, “Sure, but first, did you fart in my cube?”

D1 denied everything. “Uh… no… .” I turned around to confront her. It wasn’t D1. It was another girl. A girl I don’t even talk to.


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